A Leadership Practice for Managing Stress & Driving Success
Control the controllable. What does that even mean? To start, it’s the remedy to feeling like a victim and being full of frustration when “stuff” happens that is outside of your control. It’s the antidote to the emotional, mental, and even physical fatigue that’s prone to developing during times of high stress.
We’ve all heard the Epictetus quote “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Unfortunately, in my experience, we don’t apply that wisdom when it will benefit us the most.
I learned this lesson years ago as a senior leader with a Fortune 100 company. A serious situation that negatively impacted my team occurred—one of those events that could cost a leader their job. It was shocking, felt unfair, and was out of my control. I got the news on a Friday afternoon, and spent the weekend fretting and trying to answer questions I could not answer.
The first chance I had, (with nervous trepidation) I met with my boss’s boss. Before I said a word, he held up his finger and said, “I know why you’re here, Karen, and I want you to know it’s not what happened that will define you, it is how you respond to it. So where will you start?”
Those words snapped me out of despair and into productive thoughts, words, and action.
As an executive coach, I’m seeing clients become overwhelmed by information, changes, and decisions that are outside of their control more often than ever. Regardless of the nexus, this is absolute: Stress multiplies when leaders fixate on what they can’t change. The most effective leaders, however, learn to acknowledge their feelings, then quickly re-focus their energy on “what they will do about it” — whatever “it” is.
Take Control or Risk a Stress Addiction
💯 Facing issues we can’t control is stressful.
👍 Acknowledging and accepting our feelings is important.
👎 The longer we struggle against what is, the more detrimental “it” becomes for us and our teams.
Lately it seems I’m reminding my clients more often that unchecked stress doesn’t stay a simple emotional manifestation, it becomes physical. When we stress, our brains release cortisol and adrenaline – the hormones designed to help us react quickly to threats. Much like an addiction to drugs or social media, our brains can get hooked on the rush of stress. Unconsciously, we seek more “hits” of stress by engaging in unproductive worry, commiserating with colleagues, and swirling around in endless “what if” and “why” theories.
The good news in this sad state of “humanness” is: When we intentionally shift our energy to things we can influence and control, we break the damaging cycle and navigate “what is” with more clarity, less stress, and better results.
But how? Glad you asked!
Strategies to Control the Controllable:
For Your Productivity:
1. Make a 2-sided list: On the right, write down everything you’d like to change (about the situation). On the left, identify the things that you can control and/or impact.
2. Determine your next best steps with the things you can control and put a timeline to them. Intentionally shift your time and energy toward the items on the left of your list.
3. Break the Stress Addiction Cycle: Recognize when you are feeding your stress and victim mentality through complaining, pontificating about “what is,” or dwelling in hypothetical “why’s” and “what ifs”. STOP. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
For Your Brain:
Just as a muscle needs rest after intense use, your brain needs recovery time to function at its best – especially during stressful times.
1. Schedule quiet time to think: Block time on your calendar for strategic thinking. Close emails, silence your phone and notifications, and give yourself time to prioritize, plan, and problem solve. When incorporated as a habit, 30-minutes of uninterrupted time a week can be AMAZING.
2. Get Physical: Move your musculoskeletal and cardio-vascular systems! Exercise releases endorphins, counteracting stress hormones and improving cognitive function.
3. Practice Mindfulness or Meditation: Giving yourself a few minutes of deep breathing or meditation can reset your nervous system and improve your clarity and focus.
4. Cultivate Positive Relationships: Make time to connect with friends, family, colleagues, and mentors you can “be” with and let down your leadership shield. Pick those who you feel better after you’ve been with them, rather than those who reinforce your stress cycles.
For Your Team:
1. Model Empathy and Resilience: It’s healthy for you and your team members to acknowledge and share your feelings. Knowing you are with them, not oblivious, is important. Couple this vulnerability with discussions, plans, and actions that support moving forward in productive ways.
2. Affirm Your Why’s and Confirm Priorities: Clarity brings comfort and trust. Uncertainty kills morale and feeds frustration. Work with your team members to ensure priorities are clear.
3. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate: Help your teams limit frustrations and avoid overwhelm by erring on the side of over-communication. Share what you can, as soon as you can, with clarity and transparency. This means “facetime” not email! Your team needs to hear directly from you, often.
Wrap It Up
The words of my boss’s boss have come back to me many times over the years: “It’s not what happened that will define you, it’s how you respond to it. So, where will you start?” For me, they are like a beacon reminding me I can’t control or even anticipate everything that comes my way, but only I can control how I respond. I always have the power to “control the controllable”: My thoughts, my words, and my actions.
My team of managers and I all survived that difficult time. Through it, we also learned and grew in ways that shaped our individual career trajectories in significant ways.
As a leader – or just human for that matter – things that are frustrating, feel unfair, or seem impossible to navigate will keep coming. When they do, control the controllable. Identify and own accountability for what you can, should, and need to do. Then inspire your teams to do the same.
For information on how PERSPECTIVES can help you and your leaders implement strategies like these, schedule a free consultation today!
